I get relationship questions in my DMs pretty much all the time and after lots of failed promises, I’ve finally worked out how to talk about a few. A few weeks ago, I asked you guys on Instastories to send in whatever you wanted to discuss and through this very intensive (not at all) research gathering mission (#DelusionOfGrandeur), I’ve picked four of the most asked ones, which I’ll be writing about as part of a ‘relationship talk month’ on the blog starting tomorrow. I’ll be doing FOUR BLOG POSTS all through July, that will be at your service each Friday. I recommend having lots of caffeine at your disposal to sit down with as you have a read-through in your relax-time.

Just something to note before we begin: You won’t find any post on my blog that suggests the “right way” to do something when it comes to relationships (or anything for that matter). I mostly always only share my own perspective because I don’t know all marriages, I only know my own, so sometimes I share that. And even with that, I hold back on many things because sometimes if it appears that your relationship doesn’t suffer through many conflicts, it’s not legit enough. Many (not-so-close) people in my personal life brush off my relationship by saying ‘tum logon ka different hai, tum rehney do’.  And I want to talk about that. The fact that most good desi relationships are either credited to God’s will or pure luck or the fact that ‘husband easy hai’. We almost never say a relationship is healthy because TWO people have taken deliberate, conscious steps on how to treat one another.

If you think about it, we as a society encourage exposing bad relationships and hiding the good ones. From real life to our media content, it’s always the mistreatment that gets more eyes and ears. Then we wonder why healthy relationships are an exception and not the norm. How many times have we heard an ill-treating partner being discussed openly over shaam ki chai but been told by a parent to not talk to anyone about something nice a husband did. If we don’t share constructive examples for difficult desi situations or at least talk about healthier aspects as deeply as we talk about saas bahu tussles, how do we move forward?

I don’t think relationships are manufactured commodities that you pick up and use as is. They are live, breathing, experiences that are nurtured and developed by two people. And depending on how much each one is willing to put in, they build and grow accordingly. Sometimes they work out, sometimes they don’t. But they do swing both ways, they are human-driven after all.

I hope we can chat about that.

A very basic premise of this series will be my understanding that both people in a relationship are at least decent individuals who want the relationship to work. If you’re reading this and have a partner who is emotionally or physically abusive, cheating, completely disinterested, this may not be for you. I don’t know how to address those situations and my personal perspective on them and in life (for myself) is to choose the person I am first. So if both partners are at least willing to put in love and energy for each other, I think this series may be of value to you.

It would also be great if you remember I am only sharing my experience. You don’t have to replicate it. You can of course take all of it, but you can even pick tiny bits of it and apply what works for you. Or take none of it but figure out what’s best for you. Please try to read what I have to say without taking anything personally. It’s not about you, it’s about an overarching concept. I’m not trying to trivialize anyone’s experience AT ALL. Also, please don’t compare your life to mine or anyone else’s. I think that’s pretty much it.

I’ll see you here tomorrow? 🙂